Get Him Back When YOU Are Ready

Today I want to talk about something that I have a feeling some of you won’t be comfortable with.  Many of you are here because you want to know how to get him back.  Something has happened that has caused a great divide and you are either on a break, separated, or flat out broken up.  You may even be in the process of a divorce.

Whatever you are going through, I am so very sorry for your heart break.  Right now you have been faced with the cold hard realization that something didn’t turn out the way that you thought it would, and you are heartbroken over that.  All you can think about is getting him back, so that it can all be right again.

Today, I am going to try and straighten your perspective on that in a way that will benefit your relationship now, or any relationship in your future.

The first thing you need to do is figure out, with 100% honesty, what you are heartbroken over

Are you REALLY heartbroken over losing him? Or are you heartbroken over losing the stability and safety of a relationship?  You will not be able to answer this question without some cold, hard soul searching.  So give it some time.

Truly think about what you miss.  Do you miss waking up next to this amazing person every morning and their daily “good morning sunshine!”.  Or do you miss having someone that is able to get your oil changed, or pick up your dry cleaning, or bring by dinner when you are too tired to cook?

What is it REALLY that you miss?

Once you have the answer to that question, then you will have a better idea on how to move forward.  If it’s NOT him that you are truly missing, then you have some work to do on you.

Why YOU, you ask?  Because the only person you can ever change is yourself.  You have no power and control over how he behaves.  You can only control yourself.  Trying to control him with constant texts and emails and calls is going to push him away.  Controlling yourself and your decisions and your actions will inspire him to realize you are a woman of worth.

Even if you do truly miss him 100% and would do anything to get him back, you still need to do some of that work.   When you got together you probably felt like, everything happens for a reason.  All of the things that happened in your life leading up to you meeting him and dating him happened for a reason.

Right?  I know not everyone feels that way, but I DO know a LOT of women feel this way, particularly about the man that they love.  It was fate! It was destiny!  That other guy MUST have dumped me just so I can meet THIS one! The One!

So if that is the case, then you have to be willing to accept the fact that this…whatever…you are going through right now….also happened for a reason.  Accept that.  Maybe this guy dumped you so that you could meet the real One, the next go around.

You don’t and won’t know what the reason is for some time.  Asking him repeatedly is not going to give you that reason either.  You need to find it yourself.

For some reason, this relationship is in a bad place.

It is either on a break, or in full fledged break up mode.  Whatever that reason is, you need to figure out what it is, what your role in that was, and move forward from there.

See, many women want to get him back no matter what it takes.  This is the wrong approach.  There is a good reason you are apart right now, and getting him back at any cost is not going to resolve that problem that started this whole thing.

What many women forget to do when they are trying to get a boyfriend back is that they forget all the rules of dating all together.  All of the ones that they used to get this guy in the first place.  The ones about having standards, and teaching them how to treat you, and how to not settle for anything less than what you are worth.

They do all of that, they get the guy, and then they lose him for some unknown reason.  And they think they can get him back using new tricks and tips.

It doesn’t work that way.

You have every right to not even accept him back into your life.  In order for him to come back into your life, he has to meet the standards that he met when he first came into your life.  Something has happened. Somewhere along the line some non-negotiables were crossed and a break has occurred.  What is his role, and what is your role?

This is why I and people like Michelle talk about “The No Contact Rule” so much, you simply need that time.  You can only accept him back into your life when you have done the honest work, and are able to do so in a way that tells him he’s worth being back in your life.

Being honest with yourself is the only way to get him back, but only when YOU are fully ready to do so.  And when you offer yourself as a woman of worth, it inspires a reaction in him that will want to show you that he believes you are worth the effort as well.

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